Kay
Toddler
Mama through local adoption :)
Posts: 230
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Post by Kay on Jan 12, 2011 10:53:13 GMT 10
Gee they are annoying..
Yesterday, as we were eating an early lunch to get to DH's interview on time our SW called and cancelled his appointment which has been rescheduled for this afternoon. That in all is not too bad but she also cancelled his last one and rescheduled it..
DH is starting to get a complex and is getting a bit annoyed at it. We were so patient in waiting 2 months for her to start our interviews and just feeling like it is on the go slow at the moment...
not wanting to whinge - just having a bad day I guess... we update tonight on how it went today (assuming it goes ahead)
Kay
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Post by waiting on Jan 12, 2011 15:59:57 GMT 10
Yeah, the whole process is frustrating. Expect nothing and be surprised when it works.
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Post by goggly on Jan 12, 2011 17:54:29 GMT 10
Kay, deep breath.
At least they rescheduled for this week and not some undetermined time in future. It means either something more urgent has come up (i.e. a placement or reliquishment counselling) and you have been bumped, or they are really unorganised.
If you think it is slow now the wait between the report and the panel is going to be a shock - ours was nearly four months!
Maybe your DH could ask why they are rescheduling all the time? It would be interesting to see who they thought was more important!
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Post by lilchookie on Jan 12, 2011 18:14:36 GMT 10
I think from memory we had a reschedule, one of them was sick and they always interviewed together.
goggly is right........the wait from the last interview until panel is long, ours was 4 months too.
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Kay
Toddler
Mama through local adoption :)
Posts: 230
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Post by Kay on Jan 12, 2011 19:07:09 GMT 10
Thanks girls, I am feeling really down this afternoon. first I should explain that the sw told me yesterday that she was ill and needed to go to the dr. However, she questioned DH on what we would do if the panel rejected us and how we would proceed, she then asked him 3 times why adoption and not permanent care and did not seem satisfied with his responses.
I guess what is bugging me is the hidden nature of the process (at least with our agency). During the information and education session they dont give you and insight at all about the process. At no stage were we told anything about how many interviews or what we would be asked.
Feeling sorry for myself I just cant seem to get a rapport going with the social worker. She has obviously come from an extreamly provlidged background and feel as though she looks down her nose at us and in not really objective - but then again, I may be wrong.
I understand that it takes time, all I wish is that the process was a little more transparent. She has told me though she would like to have us at panel late Feb/Early March so I hope that she means that.
I so want to say something but dont want to piss them off as they are holding our future in their hands. I think I will just wait an see what next week brings. I am in there on Monday and DH on Friday
Thanks for listening to me vent
K
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Post by waiting on Jan 12, 2011 19:20:23 GMT 10
Don't stress too much. I don't think that many people get rejected. Does anyone know anyone that was recently asked to go back and do some more work? I think not a whole lot. Most people just cruise through it all. Just be yourself.....
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Post by goggly on Jan 12, 2011 19:20:42 GMT 10
Kay if you have no rapport with the SW then you can request a new one, but it is tricky.
I think they are asking everyone about PC at the moment, friends of mine approved and waiting for international adoption have all been approached about PC, apparently they are desperate for carers. I find this odd considering that there are already approved people waiting for placement, but I have no doubt they want their list as big as possible so there is a lot of choice.
You also may want to double check the timeline she has given you. The panel need at least two weeks to review your report and she has to finish the interviews, get it agreed internally, get you to agree, make the changes and then send if off for review. Feb seems early.
As for interviews, from memory we had five interviews the first time - one getting to know you, one together, two seperates and then DH was asked back to ask a few more questions.
It is hard to think that this is the end of the line and stressful when you are going through it, but once I sat back and thought about not being approved, I realise that we still, like you, have options. Surrogacy, overseas adoption, foster care etc, they not be very feasible now, but they are options. You may want to think about plan b, which makes it a lot easier to take the incessant questions!
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Post by goggly on Jan 12, 2011 19:24:00 GMT 10
Waiting, quite a few people do not get approved. Usually this is discussed prior to panel and they drop out before anything official is underway (i.e. it is not recorded that they are not approved). I have hear of quite a few cases where this happened.
Not saying it is likely for any of us, but it does happen!
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Kay
Toddler
Mama through local adoption :)
Posts: 230
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Post by Kay on Jan 12, 2011 19:27:37 GMT 10
Thanks girls,
I know changing SW will be difficult and that is one main reasons that I am not going to at the moment. We seem to be having a lot of interviews. At least 3 individual ones each - 1 or 2 together and then the home visit.
Thanks for the input.. it has settled me a bit.
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Post by lilchookie on Jan 13, 2011 8:01:23 GMT 10
Unfortunatly Kay there is no set way for it all to be done, its different for everyone. Most of our sessions were at our house, with just our idividual at their office.
I remember one interview was just a repeat of things we had already discussed and they just went over and over the same thing, at the time I found it very frustrating. But now and especially once you see the report, it makes sense.
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Kay
Toddler
Mama through local adoption :)
Posts: 230
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Post by Kay on Jan 14, 2011 15:10:35 GMT 10
Thanks girls
Well I had a call from our lovely SW today and my next appointment has been cancelled with no re-scheduled date.
I know it seems lile I am very complainey, but Iam just frustrated. Hopefully we hear from her again soon
Kay
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Post by goggly on Jan 14, 2011 16:03:22 GMT 10
Complain away kay! We are the only ones that will understand how much this whole process does your head in.
Did she give a reason for her cancellation? Is she still sick?
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Post by lilchookie on Jan 14, 2011 16:31:42 GMT 10
Yep this is the place to vent Kay, if you dont vent it will mess with your head even more. Unfortunately they give you timelines of when they expect things to happen but I dont think many stick even close to this, just a part of the process you have to accept it (as well as many other things in this process).
I have felt exactly like you along the way, more than once. From what you have posted it seems your interviews are progressing well, so I wouldnt think these cancellations have anything to do with you, other stuff just comes up. Our SW would have had to re-schedule anything she had planned for the first 3 days of next week as she will be at our birth parent meeting, at our house and then at the first couple of days of our transition. Its strange to be on the other side of the process now where we take priority.
If you havent heard back by mid next week, I would be chasing them. I did a lot of that (via email) and it helped me take back some of the control of the process. I would always touch base via email asking whats happening if it had been awhile since I heard anything. My SW always gave me some kind of response via email and in the end it was the way we communicated. Now we have a new SW and we talk only on the phone.
Your timeline is similar to ours, so feel confident you will be approved and waiting well before mid this year.
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Kay
Toddler
Mama through local adoption :)
Posts: 230
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Post by Kay on Jan 14, 2011 17:29:56 GMT 10
Thanks, this forum provides me with a lot of sanity
I'd much prefer them to be a little more open about things... like, I'm sorry but I will be in transition next week rather than something came up. I havent clicked with her but dont want to go through the hassel of changing... hopefully it will all sort itself out soon
Kay xx
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Post by lilchookie on Jan 14, 2011 17:44:13 GMT 10
I never really clicked with ours either but it all really came together for me when I had that report in my hands to read. Now I feel really blessed to have an new amazing young SW on this part of the journey. I clicked with her straight away.
They are probably never going to be completely honest with you about things. Unless you are in the secure environment of their office they are quite selective about what information they give you.
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Post by goggly on Jan 14, 2011 20:50:12 GMT 10
Another who had a pained experience with the social worker.
Apart from the general worry about not being approved that we all have at one time or anther, has the SW given you any other reason to be concerned? Is she simply just still sick and doesn't know when she will be well?
I think that SW are unable to say much as they are really stuck about us wanting to know everything and them trying to protect everyone's privacy.
Yes, I am feeling pragmatic tonight, another night I would have let loose on the crappy process!
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