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Post by kate on May 22, 2007 21:27:57 GMT 10
Hi
Just wondering what people have decided on what, and how, they will tell their child about their first beginnings?
Cheers,
Kate
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Post by Kim on Jun 4, 2007 15:57:22 GMT 10
Hi Kate, sorry I didnt see this earlier, what with all the paperwork and stuff. The question you asked is actually one of the 164 questions we adoptive parents actually get asked in our paperwork - life story . I think until you actually are approved and have a child in your arms and know their birth story, it will be hard to actually answer this question. Many people currently going through the process are worried that they wont get approval to be adoptive parents for some reason, especially as many of them have spent years trying to become parents, take me for example I've spent over 13 years trying to become a parent and when you have to rely on other people saying if you would be a good parent or not you tend to focus more on getting through the application. But most of the adoptive parents I've already talked to or those currently going through the process, intend to be honest with their children from the start, but of course you do need to do it in an age appropriate way. So what you tell your child about their first beginings is truthful but done in a way that they can understand. Such as if the birth mother was a teenager who accidentally got pregnant, you wouldnt tell a 5 year old that as a 5 year old wouldnt be able to understand it, you would just tell her that her birth mother wasnt able to look after her, but once that child was 12 or so you could then explain better that her birth mother got pregnant as a teenager. I'm sure over time other people will add their opinions and thoughts here.
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Post by kate on Jun 6, 2007 1:18:09 GMT 10
Thanks for replying. I wasn't sure if i was stepping over the line by posting questions. Just thought i would open up more lines of discussion.
My younger sister is adopted. When she was little, Mum made her a photo album story that was her story. It was gorgeous, explained that her birth parents loved her very much but were too young and so they found a family to look after her. Mum had to re-do the story 4 times because my sister wore it out, reading it and showing it to people. It had photos of her with members of her birth family, and people from our family.
I have put together an album for my niece. I haven't put anything in it about why she is adopted (that is for the adoptive family) but have lots of photos from when she was born, and when she was sick in hospital, and up til a few months old.
My sister only has a couple photos from when she was younger than 5 months and she really treasured them, so i don't want my niece or her family to miss out on photos from this time.
Take care,
Kate
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Post by Kim on Jun 6, 2007 10:14:39 GMT 10
Hi Kate, Your questions are great and its wonderful to have someone to ask them as most of us here are people wanting to be adoptive parents or permanent care parents, so you have a different take to adoption / permanent care than most of us because of your niece. I think the album you are doing for her is fantastic. I've already started an album for the child I hope we one day get to parent but I hope that her or his birth family also do a album as it is such a special thing to have from the birth family. I have all 3 sides of the adoption triangle within my family so I've been able to experience all the different views and issues. I also have an adopted younger sister. She is from the philippines. One of my brother in laws was adopted as a baby here in Australia and has only had contact with his birth family in the last 8 years. Another of my brother in laws has an adopted sister. Also my grandmother gave up a son in the 50's for adoption because her husband had past away and she felt that she couldnt look after a new baby plus her other 5 children. So I know how important birth family can be for everyone involved and I know how upsetting it can be not knowing much about your birth family. Of course though for a lot of adoptive parents and permanent care parents it can be hard to answer questions completely until you have experienced the situation. But keep asking question Kate as like I said it is really good to have someone asking things as we then are all able to learn from each other.
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