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Post by soopersally on Apr 24, 2011 12:29:52 GMT 10
I know through adoption that you can change the name of the baby - but that alot of agencies discourage this.
If you are (or have been) placed with a baby - would you change it's name? or only if you didn't like the original name?
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Post by soopersally on Apr 24, 2011 12:31:26 GMT 10
my reply - I really really don't know. I think choosing the name for our baby with my husband would be a really special experience and would help define our new family. But then, I would feel so bad if the baby's original name was chosen for a special reason....it's hard!
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Post by goggly on Apr 24, 2011 16:45:37 GMT 10
We kept the name as it is a part of her and we couldn't take that. Even if I hated the name I think I would find a way to live with it as it is who they are, how they started and there is so much wrapped up in it for them and us.
I also figured that I get to choose everything else and the really special part for me was meeting - I couldn't have cared if he was called Gladys!
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Post by flossyinoz on Apr 24, 2011 20:44:35 GMT 10
DS had two names given to him by his birth mother and we were told she was not sure which she like d better. We hated one of them (had bad connotations for us and he just did not look like this name)but which he had been known under for his first 5 months and replaced it with the second which we absolutely loved and which so much fits him and gave him a new second name of our choosing.
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Post by lilchookie on Apr 25, 2011 23:10:50 GMT 10
We never thought we would change the babies name when we got placed. But when we were placed with DD we did change her name, sort of. Hard to explain and I am not going to discuss details on the open forum (sorry). I will say this you have ideas about things + what you think you will do, but some of them go out the window when you are placed!: )
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Post by shudie on May 8, 2011 18:16:48 GMT 10
I would never change the baby's name. It was probably given to them by their birth mother. It is part of their identity and their history. I'd hate to find out later in life that I had another name and someone changed it.
One of the losses that we often have to deal with is that we are unable to pick a name for our baby - I felt a huge sense of loss around this. My husband an I instead donated to 'Bears of Hope' and named a bear after our 'dream baby' - now when someone's baby dies, they take home the bear with our baby's name on it so they don't go home with empty arms. It has really helped me to move away from the grief around not being able to name our child (when it comes).
x Shudie
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Post by lilchookie on May 8, 2011 20:09:17 GMT 10
Shudie - we honestly never thought we would change our babies name. But when placed with our DD previous thoughts & feelings changed. We honored the link between our birthmum & our DD in a special way with the name change. We dont feel this name change will have any future adverse effect on our DD and we don't think we have done wrong by our DD or her birthparents by changing her name.
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Post by shudie on May 9, 2011 19:21:57 GMT 10
I don't think there is a right or a wrong... just how we each feel about it! We've been fortunate too - when we have had offers - all names have been ok - not our first choice but ok nevertheless
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Post by lilchookie on May 10, 2011 10:20:20 GMT 10
I agree there is no right or wrong answer. But to be honest Shudie, I did feel like the first part of your post directed negativity to adoptive parents like myself who have changed their childs name.
Our name change wasnt even about liking or not liking the name (her birthname is now her middle name). It was what we felt was best for her growing up with us.
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Post by shudie on May 10, 2011 17:29:17 GMT 10
I'm sorry to hear that it sounded that way to you lilchookie - that is my personal opinion on whether to change or not and for us, it isn't something we will do. I think we each have different feelings about issues like this...
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Post by lilchookie on May 10, 2011 19:24:33 GMT 10
At our education groups we had an adoptee speak and her birth mum and her adoptive mum (it was fabulous). Her adoptive parents changed her name and she said she was so glad that they did as her original name was horrible. We all got quite a laugh out of that as did the two mums - even her birth mum who picked it and said the most mumsy thing ever "it was all the rage back then!". Just goes to show there is no right or wrong! I can relate to this. I hope DD, DD's birthmum & I can can talk to an education group in 20 years about her name change and how it came about and how we all feel about it (even though DD name wasnt changed because it was horrible!). Shudie - 12 months ago, I had feelings as strong as yours. It was expressed in our profile and it was actually one of the reasons our birthparents liked us......we would keep the name. The difference with us is that my DH & I had not even considered the situation we were presented with when placed, so when this happened we changed our mind. You have made you final decision & I totally respect that. I just felt the comment 'I'd hate to find out later in life that I had another name and someone changed it' was negative under the conversation that was going on about name change above it
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