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Post by simone on Sept 30, 2009 20:54:31 GMT 10
Hi there,my husband and I have just begun the adoption process in Vic,we are going through centacare.Any feedback would be great.I actually stumbled upon this site, so glad I did it will be great to speak to others who are going through the same thing.
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Post by waiting on Sept 30, 2009 21:23:18 GMT 10
Hi Simone, Welcome to the site. I have just joined the site over the last few days and have found it very quiet in terms of posting, but the previous posting have been quite interesting. There is a post on the general adoption chat on page 2 on centacare. I think one is run by govt and one by the catholic church. I am unsure if there is different pool of children, but from what I understand the processes are the same but some say faster in processing. With DHS we took 1 year 9 months from the information session at the beginning to the acceptance last month. Don't forget you have to include the obligatory 6 months before you start.
There is plenty of info on this site, especially if you have a good hour or so to browse and just read.
What ever you get involved in, it will be a lengthy process, that may or not eventuate in anything. That is the hardest thing about having a child, you never know if you can unless you actually star um trying...
The same is in this process, if you don't try you will never know.
Let me know what you are specifically wanting to know, and I will try to answer more specifically.... Enjoy your evening.
Waiting.
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Post by simone on Sept 30, 2009 21:36:39 GMT 10
Thanks so much for your reply,waiting.We had our info session in july with anglicare but have now decided to go with centacare catholic services. They don't have any education sessions until early next year so a bit of a wait.I don't have any specific questions at the moment I think it is terrific that there is somewhere I can go when I do and to be able to read about other people's experiences.Hope to talk again soon.Simone
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Post by flossyinoz on Oct 1, 2009 10:31:16 GMT 10
Hi Simone, Welcome to the forum. Yes Centacare is a catholic agency, but you don't have to be catholic to use it. Members of this forum have found they are a lot quicker than most DHS agencies. They "sort of" have their own pool of children for adoption but their couples are also on the central register CRE. they do not have their own pool of permanent care children and are on the CRE for this. Cheers
Flossyinoz
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Post by bonnie on Oct 6, 2009 11:40:42 GMT 10
Hi Simone,
DH and I have just started out too. But we're in NSW, so things are done a bit differently I think. Still the same up and downs and waiting though!
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Post by shudie on Oct 6, 2009 12:44:18 GMT 10
Hi Simone and welcome!
I'm just waiting for assessment to start... (in NSW)
xx Shudie
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Post by waiting on Oct 6, 2009 18:43:21 GMT 10
What is so different about the NSW sector apart from maybe costs?? waiting
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Post by simone on Oct 6, 2009 22:16:40 GMT 10
Each state has different rules and regulations which i think is ridiculous.Why it can't be across the board I don't know.The states differ in the birth mothers access visits,some states allow same sex couples to adopt I'm not that familiar on all the other states but I do recall during my research being confused as to why we all the states differ.
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Post by waiting on Oct 7, 2009 13:56:55 GMT 10
It is stupid as we are not in a different country. The rules should be followed in the same country for goodness sake. I am also concerned that there are other major differences like costs. I get a little disillusioned by the whole process sometimes...
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Post by simone on Oct 7, 2009 18:10:50 GMT 10
I agree the whole process is very daunting,I never would have thought 4 years ago it was going to be so difficult to have a family.Even after I had my hysterectomy I honestly didn't think it would be such a challenge,especially when we are all aware that there are children who need a loving,caring home.We just have to keep on smiling and thinking positive.x
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Post by waiting on Oct 7, 2009 19:38:12 GMT 10
I am really sad to hear that you have gone through such a difficult time and having to go through that at such a young age. Unfortunately, my journey started around 2004 when I thought it was going to be easy enough to just have a baby. WRONG! I was in denial for over a year and a half even when my gyno kept telling me it is not going to work. I stupidly thought that I will just prove him wrong. I nearly did. I got pregnant, but the silly little thing decided to get stuck in my fallopian tube of all places! Unfortunately not all embryos are very smart to find themselves to the uterus.
I think we are fed this myth when we are younger that yes we are going to be mothers one day and we will be able to have kids. Then when we can't, we are totally shocked!
Unfortunately, I started my tries when I was in my mid thirties which really did not help my aging eggs. I am so sick of the media carrying on about women delaying children. It is not always a choice.
Anyway, are you applying for permanent care and local adoption? It seems to be what most people do. It is a bugger that it will take so long. That will give you an opportunity to do some reading. Take care. Waiting...
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Post by simone on Oct 7, 2009 19:52:31 GMT 10
Well they do say that women are made to reproduce and you just presume it will happen.If i found out I had a problem at 21 I would probably have my own children now,but at 21 I was too busy working and having fun.I was 30 when my specialist discovered my problem too late for me. We have decided to only apply for adoption I don't feel comfortable with the sound of permanent care.I am a big believer in things happening for a reason and if we are meant to have a child it will happen(I must confess I have a gut feeling that the universes will align and it will happen for us)I may sound like an oddball but I'm not.It is great to be able to share with someone who has an understanding.All my friends have children and although they are wonderful and caring they have no idea of the pain and emotional challenges Are you doing both permanent care and adoption.Talk again soon S x
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Post by waiting on Oct 7, 2009 21:07:31 GMT 10
No we are only doing adoption also. My DH was not keen on the PC, so we opted not to. You sound like you are still quite young- maybe early 30's which should fare well for you. I am in my early 40's and they have said that once I reach 45, the chances are minimal.
I don't get the same feeling as you unfortuntely. I am not sure if it is because I am getting old, or I am just a grumpy negative person. I tend to see things half empty where my husband sees things half full. I jsut don't know anymore. I am glad that the hoops have been jumped and that we stuck through thr process and it is now over, but in a real sense it is just beginning, the waiting that is, hence my user name..
Whatever you need to know, I am happy to advise. One thing I did notice, that is, that you need to be ready to go to adoption. If you have not had any counselling to be ready do so now. You do not want to be in the middle of it all and for them to say, Simone, I don't think you are ready... Talk soon, Waiting..
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Post by simone on Oct 8, 2009 10:13:14 GMT 10
Morning waiting,I'm in my mid 30's and have had about four years of counselling.Hubby and I had to deal with our grief before we could even think about adoption.If I may ask who are you dealing with.I was informed that age had nothing to do with your chances.Let's face it once all is done and we are on the waiting list it is out of our hands.The birth mum can only decide by what she reads in our file. I am sad that you are having a difficult time I am sending you happy thoughts,how long have you been waiting for. We have decided that if I reach 45 and we still don't have a child we will take ourselves off the list.Mind you we have only just begun,haven't even had our education yet so I may be getting a little ahead of myself. I started a diary,the day we started our process and I find it terrific.Any thought I have Positive or Negative I write it down.It just helps to clear your mind.(something I learnt during my counselling) Talk again soon Sx
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Post by waiting on Oct 8, 2009 16:12:10 GMT 10
Good afternoon, Just got home a little while ago and checked to see if anyone has added something interesting to read. Thanks for your positive vibes sent. It has been difficult. I have just been approved ( 1.5 months) and we are with the glenroy office that has just become the preston office. I guess that 1-2 months does not seem long for anyone to wait, but I have been waiting to have a baby since I got marrried and that has been 6.5 years. So it feels like I have been waiting tforever....
It is good to see that you have done your counselling and you are in a good place.
What they have been wanting you to have is some experience with children. Do you have any especially with small little ones? I have not got much and I have been volunteering at a childcare place once every now and then to remind me what it is like to have little ones around. The age group I deal with is between 2-3 years old.
A little while ago I felt strange about the 30 or so couples that we were competing against to get a baby, but then I realised, we really weren't. Each family is composed of unique people who will be just right for each child. So this site is really good, as everyone is willing to offer advice and I don't feel as if anyone is too weary about saying anything. Everyone wants to offer support . It is not easy to find support, and it is not easy to find friends who actually understand what it is really like not to be able to conceive. That is why sites like this are important. You know you are talking to someone who has felt your pain, cried your tears and experienced your helplessness.
take care... Waiting.
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Post by flossyinoz on Oct 9, 2009 11:14:51 GMT 10
Yes that is exactly why I like this forum, has nothing to do with that I was made moderator, all people here know what they are talking about and many have lived through the grief of not being able to conceive naturally and have been through hell and back during IVF and whatever way they have taken. And once in an while (sometimes more often ) we all need to vent and everything gets too much and we get impatient....... I also agree with you, I don't see it as a competition as such. Of course the more people on the register the less statistical chances for us, but every couple of the register is unique and we do not have the possibility to change the decision of the social workers to put us forward for a particular child, a birthmother or a panel anyway. I asked our social worker once why she thought there was not a lot of support in the pre adoption especially local community and she thought it was because people are threatened by the competition. Maybe I am strange, but I really don't see it that way, I see it as mutual support and rather think people do not come out in the open as the whole process is so long and often unenventful and they have been disappointed so often in the past they do not openly voice their feelings again and get disappointed once again if it takes ages or may never happen that they get a child. In local unfortunately that is a possibility.
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