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Post by shudie on Jan 21, 2011 11:30:16 GMT 10
edited for privacy reasons
X Shudie
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Kay
Toddler
Mama through local adoption :)
Posts: 230
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Post by Kay on Jan 21, 2011 12:11:31 GMT 10
Hey Shuddie,
I totally understand where you are coming from and I think if you guys had a definate no then that should be that.
Having said that I am not adverse to having a kid with anger issues or Special Needs but it does matter to what extent. Personally, if the child is going to need 24hr care their entire life and cant go to a normal school I dont think I could take on that level, but ID and PD dont bother me.
Some of the kids I work with are the loveliest kids you'll find. One has a bone weakness disease and can break her legs by just walking so has missed a lot of school and is behind but she always thinks of others first.
I think at the ages you are talking about it is hard to identify exactly what difficulties they will have and an ID may not even be identified until their adolescent/teen years.
Stick to your guns. There is no use saying yes to a situation that wont fit in with you both. Let me know if you need anything
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Post by doris on Jan 21, 2011 12:32:03 GMT 10
Hi Shudie
Your SW should be going by what you selected at the start. We selected a child with special needs and at panel hey recommended that we be placed with a child that was not unknown potential (which shocked us when we were matched with our little one) he had unknown potential due to his issues whilst in utero, SW stated that he would late developmental issues we said yes and i am so glad we did, yes he did have late developmental issues but boy did he catch up quickly once with us. He has the chance to develop ADHD when he gets older but at the moment he is a normal 3 year old who has a big mouth and wont stop talking.
The decision is all yours and ur SW should be more aware.
Doris
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Post by shudie on Jan 21, 2011 14:45:48 GMT 10
Thanks guys...
x Shudie
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Post by waiting on Jan 21, 2011 15:09:46 GMT 10
Shudie for local adoption we had to list things as to what we could accept, and yes we did say no to a few things. Yes I understand about the 24 hour care and it is a lot to take on, I know , my sister had with MS and she was pretty bad. Stick to your guns and only accept what you have agreed to. It is OK for them to ask, but you can say no. Don't feel guilty about saying no. Waiting.
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Post by doris on Jan 21, 2011 16:41:49 GMT 10
Hi Shudie
it is interesting you said no to allergies. Our little one was all good no allergies to start off with, but now he has asthma and is allergic to cats (we have two cats) but it is all good because we have managed (our little one loves our cats) we give him a little time with the cats and then we give him a bath and he is all good after that. But it's not the cats that trigger his asthma that was a learning game and we have finally found that a head cold or runny nose triggers his asthma... it is a trial and error to an extent and when you figured it out you can overcome anything.
Doris
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Post by goggly on Jan 21, 2011 18:43:19 GMT 10
Shudie, you may need to keep in the back of your head that SW are presenting worst case scenarios. They have to make sure you know what could go wrong, it doesn't necessarily mean that it will. I am definitely not advocating changing your parameters, but your "normal" baby may not exist!
Our dd who we got at seven months (she is four now) is underweight by BMI standards, but she eats constantly and widely so we don't worry (and that is the the peads man said to do), it is just her body type. We were told based on her background that while she is healthy baby adoption she is also unknown potential, it was borderline whether she would be classed as special needs.
I know I am biased, but she is perfect. Developing at the right rate and smart as a whip. Walked on her first birthday, can already spell and knows all her numbers. I think all kids are unknown potential, you never know how things are going to work out, but it seems in adoption and PC world, every kids has to have a SW label.
We had a list of thing we could deal with and a list we couldn't, alcohol was on the no list. Allergeis, well they don't show up until later so we were not too fussed, deal with them as they arose and also things like autism are not diagnosed until they are four.
Stick to your guns for a little while longer and hope everything comes together how you like. At the end of the day you have to be comfortable,. Three kids to start off would be a handful, but it also means you would never have to go through this shocking process again!
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Post by chinababe on Jan 21, 2011 18:45:32 GMT 10
Hey Shudie's, I'll give you a run down on what we said yes and no too - however keep in mind it was ICA and keep in mind that with ICA kids some issues more likely be present We said yes to missing limbs, birthmarks, mongolian spots,, excema, allergies, anaphylaxis, asthma, children with server tooth decay, mild disabilities and learning difficulties. We also agreed to children born via incest but with no obvious intellectual issues. Attachment issues sort of goes without saying. I think we said yes to visual impairments. However we said no to stuff like FAS, intellectual disability, downs sydrome and physical mobility issues.
The way we sort of based it was if we had given birth a child could be likely to develop some of these issues anyway. With FAS we felt for a start that was something that we wouldn't have had in child so we wouldn't look at that - do you get what I'm trying to say? We said no to downs sydrome because my best friend growing up lost her sister (who happen to have DS) due to serious lung and heart complications and I emotionally couldn't take that additional risk.
The thing is with PC it is highly likely that your going to have children that come through the system with co-existing conditions. The reason I am saying this is because of the role I have been doing in the last year and the fact that I have a range of co-existing 'high support needs' (yep read disability). I have worked with supporting children with high support needs in the last year and children from vulnerable family situations. To be honest most of the children in a vulnerable family situation (most likely that a PC child will come from) either have 'developed' a co-existing condition. However I feel that with the right amount of support and family situation these can potentially become a significantly less issue for the child.
It might be worthwhile for those who haven't yet done it or for re-evaluation in the future to write out a detailed list of conditions. More detailed that what the SW's provide.
I will just mention GDD - Global Development Delay. This is a bit of a tricky name - it is often used simply because the child can't be fully assessed until they are about 4 or 5 years old. Often parents of children diagnose with this hang onto the hope that their child is simply delayed however this is at times not the case but other times it is simply a delay. For me the key factor for saying yes or no to this is how delayed the child is and in what way.
I've post a thread with a list.
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Post by shudie on Feb 15, 2011 17:14:54 GMT 10
Thanks so much for all of your responses... they are all really helpful!
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Post by goggly on Feb 15, 2011 19:35:19 GMT 10
Hey shundie,
Glad to see you back. How is it all going? Anymore suggested placements?
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Post by shudie on Feb 16, 2011 15:43:17 GMT 10
Will post in free speech
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