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Post by scorpiogirl69 on Mar 25, 2010 18:31:35 GMT 10
My husband & I have no children (we are 42 & 40) and are looking into permanent care of a child age group 6-12.
Recently we went to an information session as was quite disappointed when we learnt that one of us had to take 12 months off work. I understand the first few months in placement would be difficult for the child and we would be prepared to have a couple of months off between us to be with them in the transition period. But to be out of work for 12 months is just too much financial strain to put on families. Both my husband & I are lucky to have jobs that are flexible so if for eg the school was to ring with an issue we could just leave work to be with them.
But to be told that it is not an option is very heart wrenching.
Does that mean that the only people able to do PC are those who are reasonably well off???
With so many kids in the 6-12 age finding it hard to be placed in families I would have thought that the PC Agenices would assess each family on individual merit and take all the circumstances into consideration, as we have so much to offer.
I guess I'm wondering if anyone else feels the same way or has overcome these hurdles some how in the process.
Any thoughts would be great.
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Kay
Toddler
Mama through local adoption :)
Posts: 230
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Post by Kay on Mar 25, 2010 20:04:40 GMT 10
Hi Scorpiogirl,
Where abouts are you??? We recently did too and also attended the LA session which has the same stipulation.
Unfortunately, the rules have been in place for quite some time.. I do find it ironic that when you have children biologically that there is not the same stipulation on birth parents, that they can return to work after as little as 6 weeks.
Basically it does count out a lot of people which is not right.
Good luck with it all, do you plan to attend the education sessions?
Louise
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Post by waiting on Mar 26, 2010 16:32:24 GMT 10
Hi Scorpio girl . I am happy to hear that work is flexilble for both of you which is a start. We have applied for local adoption and that means that we are looking at an infant and I understand why we need to stay for the year. It is all about bonding. Well maybe that is what that is about too, just an opportunity for you to able to take you child to school, maybe even do some activities at school with it- like going on excursions etc, and then having the luxury of being home when they get home. Maybe that is what that is about.
It is a big financial burden to take a year off work, and not work at all, and that is why you fill in paperwork stating that you can afford to do that. I would be doing something like paying off your housing loan quickly or in advance to help or putting away money for a rainy day.
You are right, it seems that they are wanting a particular type of group- one that can afford it. It seems that if you are infertile, you seem to be penalised. You have to apply for months, you have to wait and wait, you have to undergo psychiatric testing, you have to go through financial scrutiny, you have to........ It goes on and on.
It seems unfair that basically infertility has put us under such a microscope and those who can, will still keep reproducing without any tests to see if they are unfit.
I sympathise with your situation and find it unfair. take care and good luck. waiting.
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Post by flossyinoz on Mar 26, 2010 19:01:46 GMT 10
As mentioned before it is all abput bonding. A child of 6-12 years of age will have had substantial trauma and may have been sent from placement to placement. Believe me you will need the time with the child in order for them to hopefully be able to form an attachment. Also you are getting a permanet care payment which is not huge but will reimburse you for some of the costs you have. Yes it is hard, I have 12 months off at the moment and it is hard to suddenly live on one wage, you do ahve to budget and turn the cents and dollars around twice. But it is worth it to see my son grow.
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Post by waiting on Mar 26, 2010 20:05:00 GMT 10
Nice to hear from you. Could you tell us how it is going for you? The good things and the difficult things because we need a balanced view. It has been 3 months or so now, so you should be right in the swing of being a mum??? waiting
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Post by chinababe on Mar 30, 2010 18:12:50 GMT 10
I would actually say that a PC child over the age of 24 mths actually needs one parent home for at least 12mths. Those over the age of 4 even more. The child depending on the situation is highly likely to present with some very challenging issues and more than likely you as a parent will have to be involved with a range of different services that are supporting the child.
The reason I say this is I am currently working in the area of Inclusion Support and I have had some of my child care services and after school programs refer children and their families (PC and foster) to me. And they already have a very wide range of services supporting them - particularly early intervention services.
You will receive a small PC payment of the child - most likely right through their lives - though it does change at some point in their teens and it might be 'means tested' however this does not sound like it will come into play for you. There also likely to be reduced costs with accessing these additional supports for the child if you are low income earners.
The other option is to explore some sort of work from home situation - I'm not sure if this is an option or not - and not sure if it is something to disclose to authorities or not.
On another note I am wondering if you have read or been exposed to issues around older children and PC placements - particularly around 'RAD'.
I still have a book on this I found very enlightening for anyone interested in it.
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Post by lilchookie on Mar 31, 2010 15:53:18 GMT 10
When you get to the PC education groups (if you decide to proceed that far) you will get a better understanding why a parent needs to be home with the child for 12 months. A couple of months is just not enough.
If financially you are not prepared to give up 1 income, perhaps fostering is the better path for you. There are no work restrictions placed on you there.
I do have a question for you though.........how can giving up 1 income for 12 months be considered heart wrenching? I don't quite understand your motivation for heading down the PC path. PC is hard work, the trauma some of these young ones have suffered is sometimes unimaginable. But when you bring them into your home, give them love & create a positive attachment, this worth more than anything money can buy.
So personally I think the 12 months of having a parent home in LA or PC is very important. We are definately are not well of money wise by any means, but there are adjustments that will be made when the time comes and we are placed to allow us to live on 1 income. Some of extras we have enjoyed as a 2 imcome family will be given up. I will gladly do any of this to become the family we have wanted to be for so long.
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Post by shudie on Mar 31, 2010 17:02:44 GMT 10
I also agree with the one year at home with the idea that it might be 2 years.
Any child coming through pc/long term foster care is not like a child born to you that has had that secure attachment since day one. So I don't think it can be compared to bearing your own children. (I don't really agree with young bubs in childcare fullstop but each to their own!).
This is really to serve you as well as the child. The stronger the attachment, the better the outcome altogether for your new family.
The wait is so long - we have been overpaying our mortgage and saving like crazy for when I take the year or 2 off. I also have a job that I can work Saturdays though to supplement income.
I'm surprised they don't let you work say from 10-2 or something though if the child is 6-12 years old.
All the best with your journey...hope I don't sound to harsh... just trying to place the child at the centre.
xx Shudie
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Post by simone on Mar 31, 2010 20:25:41 GMT 10
Hi scorpiogirl,please don't take any of these comments personally.You feel how you feel and that is your right.There are a lot of things that I don't agree with when it comes to the whole state of child protection,adoption,pc and foster care.A lot of changes need to be made. Everyone on this site has one thing in common and that is we can't have children naturally. Whether you choose foster care,adoption or pc is your individual choice depending on your circumstances. You and your husband,I think,are wonderful people for choosing PC for the age group 6-12.To be honest I couldn't do it.I want a baby.Full stop. Good luck with whatever you choose to do and just remember that any feelings positive or negative that you have with the process are your thoughts and your rights. Any child would be lucky to have you as their parents SX
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Post by lilchookie on Apr 1, 2010 11:30:04 GMT 10
Simone - I don't think anyone here is telling scorpiogirl69 that she doesn't have the right to feel the way she does. Some of us here have been in involved in the LA & PC process for a long time and we bring experience and our own personal opinions/feelings to dicussions like this, all with the same intention, to help each other. The reason I questioned scorpiogirls feelings on 12 months leave & financial situation is because if she progresses to assessment stage that will be a big issue for the SW's.
scorpiogirl69 - I recommend you read 'Building the Bonds of Attachment' by Daniel Hughes. Fantastic book for anyone looking at heading down the PC path.
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Post by chinababe on Apr 1, 2010 18:02:26 GMT 10
some of our members actually can have children 'naturally' - they may not post as much of those that have the label of being infertile but there are a couple that can and even some with their own biological/birth children. Just something to be aware of
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Post by goggly on Apr 4, 2010 21:07:40 GMT 10
The 12 months is really important and to share a couple of months between the two of you would not be adequate.
Our child was a baby and a very easy one at that, but I couldn't have gone back to work in a few months after placement because we still had to get to know each other and there was a lot to learn! For the first few months she wouldn't go to anyone but me and even when she started child care at 22 months, it was hell leaving her because she screamed for me for ages - and that was only two days a week.
I suppose the point I am trying to make is that these little kids have had so much instability over their short lives they need to know that when YOU drop them at school YOU will pick them up and be there at all times even if something does come up at work. You need time to gel as a family.
The other thing to remember is depending on the situation that these kids have come from, there may be a lot of specialist appointments and meetings that need to occur during the day.
As for the money, we are not particularly well off, but were able to meet the requirements for 12 months through a variety of savings, house payments ahead, some family tax benefit and a whole heap of cutbacks!
It is doable, but only if you don't have a massive mortgage to start with no room for movement - I can see how many couples who have a first or second house would struggle suddenly dropping to one income.
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Post by waiting on Apr 4, 2010 21:54:44 GMT 10
I read Goggly's reply and agreed with it wholeheartedly.
But you know what I was thinking also. If you have never had a child, it would be wonderful to be able to stay home and spend time with the child. The 12 months mandated is in some ways a way to justify that it is OK to give that to yourself.
There are many mothers and fathers out there that would love to stay but they know that they can't or shouldn't because of one reason or another and won't do it. Think about it. Hope I make sense, Enjoy it. Waiting.
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