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Post by Kim on Mar 15, 2007 22:29:37 GMT 10
Ok this topic is for you to share your thoughts or feelings about adoption, being approved or even about infertility if you want to talk about it.
For me I think I will start with being scared about not being approved...
As I've mentioned in my hello post, I can not have biological children, although I've come to terms with that in as much as you can with an issue like this. ( I personally feel you never come 100% to terms with it )
Anyway I'm just wondering does anyone else worry that they wont be approved for adoption?
I guess because wanting to be a mother is something that I've wanted for so long, yet every time it looked like happening something else happened to shatter that dream, so now I worry that there will be something wrong with me or with my house or my garden (currently no garden, just weeds) that I will not be approved to adopt.
I know that I worry about nothing but when you want a baby so much, you tend to worry that something will go wrong, or at least I worry.
I have actually not been worrying as much and have begun looking more positivly on the process, but every now and again that worry pops up.
Do other people have that worry or am I the only one worrying too much ;D
I can sometimes worry or think a little too much at times.
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Post by flossyinoz on May 29, 2007 15:11:17 GMT 10
Somehow for whatever reason I am not afraid we will not be approved. But yes like you with everything we tried there was another hurdle and another and another, we tackled them all and still did not get our baby. I worry more that we may not get linked with a child for a long time as there are a lot more applicants than children. DH and I are not the youngest spring chickens any more and we were not born in Australia, who knows maybe that counts against us. And I worry how I will cope if I finally get what I always wanted, to become a mum, will I get post adoption depression. According to DH I am a big worrier, seems to be the female perogative.
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Post by Kim on May 30, 2007 10:52:23 GMT 10
Hey Flossy Post Adoption Depression is something I've also thought about and am scared it might happen to me.
Because its something that no one really hears about I'm going to actually start a topic for it as I think its a good thing to talk about.
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Post by Kim on Jun 7, 2007 17:21:43 GMT 10
Ok, I know this is probbaly just me, but I get frustrated when people dont return my calls. Especially when its just a very simple question I have. I'm normally a very overly patient person, in fact some of my friends have told me that I'm too patient Yet when it comes to the adoption application I get very frustrated. Not having a call returned the same day probably wouldnt upset me if I was told that there would be a chance that the call might not get returned that day. But to just be told that your number will be given to the person and they will return your call is stressful, especially when you then sit around for the next 4 hours waiting, to scared to make any phone calls to anyone else in case you miss that one important call. I mean I know I'm not the only person they have to deal with and they probably have a lot of other stuff going on, so my call isnt of importance to them but it is too me. I was raised to believe in manners and respect and to return someones call on the same day to me is respectful, or to at least tell a person that their phone call may not get returned that same day, so they do not sit around waiting and getting stressed. Ok, thats my little vent for the day. Except to say that after going through 2 and a half years of Adoption Services issues and problems, its no wonder the little things are starting to stress me out. I cant wait for it all to be finally over and we can just sit around waiting to me matched with a child and birth family.
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Post by chinababe on Jun 7, 2007 20:55:45 GMT 10
Aw Kim babe I think you need a huggles (ie. more than one hug). ;D
I am often an impatient person or so I like I am, but with adoption I am actually the total opposite. I think I am abnormal because nothing about adoption has phased me that much......I do think about post adoption depression as well though. I feel oddly that I can deal with anything that comes along with adoption......DH and I have even started talking about a special needs adoption with china for our second adoption. I feel a great deal of confidence that DH and I will have or will work at or appropraite supports to be the right kind of parents for both a dignosed special needs and non special needs child. As in general I feel all ICA and PC kids are special needs any way (and some from LA) that have a physical SN isn't that much of a leap.
I have great faith in DH's skills as he is the primary caregiver in our situation.
Jacinta
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Post by Kim on Jun 7, 2007 23:17:37 GMT 10
Thanks Jacinta hugs do help. My DH gave me some when he got home from work as he always rings to let me know when he is coming home due to being a shift worker he sometimes ends up working back a little if he is still on a job, so when he called today he said he could tell I was upset I think you need to send me some of your patience as I could really do with some at times. ;D My DH and I have talked about special needs children because I have a 13 year old Nephew who is Autistic and I had a cousin who had sever cerebal palsy and sadly she past away a few years ago in her early 20's. Also the sister of my nephew-in-law has downs syndrome. So we are thinking about special needs adoption / permanent care for the future as well.
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Post by flossyinoz on Jun 8, 2007 14:40:28 GMT 10
Chinababe, I am with you in regards to patience when it comes to the agency not returning calls. Kim, Maybe it is because I have seen in our case that they really are busy and give their best at Anglicare Yarraville and that our call is not an emergency. This is why I really appreciated it when I was given a personal email address and normally my query would be answered the same day or the day after. Kim, the problem is that you don't personally know a social worker yet and they will probably return calls for their current cases first. Of course it is not good manners to let you waiting but they may have to prioritise. I am sure it will get better once you are allocated your own social worker. And even then I am afraid patience is the one thing we will need in this long application process. But good you got your hugs, we all are upset sometimes. I was quite upset today as my boss was in a bad mood and let me feel it while he was doing my performance appraisal. Not that I good bad grades but he started blaming me for all the little things which are not my fault, like that he was not meeting his deadlines recently as he is not up to scratch with his 50 emails per day etc or that after 3 years I still have problems decifering his handwriting which is worthy of a doctor. Anyway, nothing critical, but I am annoyed! A colleague and DH gave me some virtual hugs as well, does feel good (virtual and real ones even more Flossyinoz
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Post by Kim on Jun 8, 2007 14:58:34 GMT 10
I'm sorry ladies if I am a little stressed and impatient at the moment but the 6th of June is the anniversary of the loss of my unborn baby, and even after so many years it sometimes still upsets me, for a few days before and a few days after that date, the same way the date my mother died, in May, still affects me.
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Post by boz on Jun 8, 2007 15:49:51 GMT 10
I feel people have a right to get impatient at things sometimes, saying we all need patients doesnt really help, as everyone is different and we all handle things differently.
Everyone when they get stressed tends to be emotional and sometimes impatient.
I think at those times we need extra understanding and support, which is basically what this forum is about isnt it.
Supporting each people through the unknown, the hard and stressful times as well as the good time.
This should be a place where we can say whats bugging us without feeling that we are doing something wrong by sharing our feelings and thoughts on something.
We are all individuals so that means we are not always going to agree on everything or see each others points of view all the time, but I do think if someone is stressed making it feel like they are doing something wrong isnt going to make that person feel any better.
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Post by flossyinoz on Jun 8, 2007 16:11:19 GMT 10
Kim, I am sorry if I came accross patronising, that was not my intention. Boz's reaction showed me you may have misunderstood what I was trying to say. And Boz I love your "anti? - startrek motto", am a big trekkie fan myself And also for me the 6 June is a special day, it was the due date of the one pregnancy that started out really promising and then bang, the last of my 3 miscarriages. I guess we all have our crosses to bear and get impatient and we all can use a hug, encouraging words and a pat on the shoulder from time to time. I am admiring your patience in searching for information not only for yourself but also providing it to other to help them. I don't know what to tell you, but I still think we will all need a lot of patience in the adoption process as we are dealing with buerocracy and people in one go, which will be immensely trying for all of us. I don't know the social workers in your region or the reasons why they are not calling back. I can understand your impatience, would probably also go up the walls and try again and again and get upset, which is not very helpful, but fortunately in my district so far I had made quite good experiences once I had a fixed person to speak to. I was just trying to find a reasonable explanation why they are not calling back. The phone receptionists though we first had contact with were rather unwelcoming which p***d me off a bit at the start. Hope you have a great relaxing and pampering long weekend. You deserve it Flossyinoz
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Post by boz on Jun 8, 2007 18:48:11 GMT 10
Actually its not anti star trek Its a verse from song that was a one hit wonder in the 80's ;D
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Post by Kim on Jun 8, 2007 18:59:25 GMT 10
Because I do get stressed more easily around these times I just wanted to appologize for not being so patient. Its normally only around these 2 dates the 6th of June and May 21st that I really get stressed easily. I really do understand what you are saying flossy and I'm sorry if it seems like I dont I also know that you are able to understand how stressful losing a pregnancy can be. I was nearly 3 months pregnant when I lost my baby. I promise I will try to be more patient when it comes to the phone calls My area is run by Connections, a Uniting Church group, obviously it seems Anglicare is much more organised or at least better staffed.
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Post by flossyinoz on Jun 12, 2007 12:30:34 GMT 10
Kim, You certainly don't need to apologize. DH will tell you how easily I get stressed (he thinks easily, but does he have any ideas of all the things on my plate ) From the pregnancy loss topic I guess I was "lucky" as my furthest pregnancy was 9 weeks, nevertheless always a huge shock, but of course the greater the longer it has been and if you have allready felt movements. We will never forget this, but we will have to try to live with it and not get bitter and let it rule our lives. But I am sure even when we have our long longed babies on the end of the adoption path, we will still think back sometimes to the babies we could have had and how old they would have been. And it will always hurt somewhere though the accute hurt may get a bit fainter through the years. Looks as if Anglicare is better organised, better staffed I am not so sure about. Hope you get a call soon! And Boz: Maybe the people who wrote the song got it from Startrek, still love it as it really sums up how I sometimes feel especially felt during the IVF time. Going forward and another and another and another IVF was easier than saying stop, this is it for us! Flossyinoz
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Post by Kim on Jul 5, 2007 23:58:31 GMT 10
Ok well there has been a few down feelings in this topic but now I want to do happy feelings ;D I really like it when I know what is happening ;D So now that I know things are slowly moving along with our LA agency and that we have taken another small step, I'm in a very good mood ;D Even my computer problems cant upset me at the moment
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