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Post by margoz on May 16, 2009 15:36:39 GMT 10
Hi Everyone, My name's Marg, I am 41, single and living in Vic. I have been on the infertility/IVF rollercoaster since 2004 without any luck - and this week my journey ended. I am two days home from hospital after having a hysterectomy - which is still sinking in. I know the physical pain will pass but it is the emotional pain that I'm struggling with the most - as I have always wanted to be a mum. Found this forum so thought I'd join to see if I can learn more about adoption. I will start having a read through the forum but if anyone has any info or advice on single adoption (and/or foster care) - or can point me in the right direction - then I would love to hear from you. Thanks for listening! Marg
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Post by goggly on May 16, 2009 18:39:30 GMT 10
Welcome Marg I hope you get enough information here to make a decision about whether adoption or PC is right for you.
First off the bad news is that singles can't adopt in Vic, only couples.
But the good news is that you can do PC which is quite similar in lots of aspects to adoption and there are more kids needing PC families than adoptive placements.
Single ruling is only for local adoption only - if you are interested in international adoption the situation is different depending on the country. One of the other members may come along and explain that as well as she has far more knowledge on the international side than me.
Maybe if you start by asking a couple of burning questions it make give an idea on what sort of information you are interested in and the various adoption area experts in this site can respond!
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Post by chinababe on May 17, 2009 20:02:41 GMT 10
Hi Marg, sorry for everything you have been going through - I hope that your recovering well.
My understanding with ICA the only choices of country as a single (woman) are Hong Kong and the Phillipiness for special needs adoption. Ethopia also allows single woman adoption but I am not sure about the age range. I think from memory you can't be more than 40 years older than the child.
In victoria it would take about 3 years just to get to the point of approval for your paperwork to be ready to leave Australia - I know for sure with Ethopia you would then have to wait with a quota system for your paperwork to even leave Australia - it could be another year or two from that point for the paperwork to leave. Then potentially up to 2 or more years to be allocated a child. So if you willing to parent an older ICA child this might be something you want to explore more with DHS/ICAS. Maybe a child around the age above 5 years.
My advice would be to apply for PC locally rather than to do ICA. However I wouldn't currently be recommending a lot of ICA countries or situations at the moment. I would only if you lived in SA or NSW.
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Post by margoz on May 18, 2009 11:05:48 GMT 10
Thanks so much for the replies. ICA really takes that long? I wonder why NSW and SA have a faster process than VIC? It's crazy! I did find a site called Adoption Australia who you can pay to put a comprehensive package together on your individual adoption options. Has anyone used agencies like these - and do you think they are worthwhile trying, even just to get info? As a novice with all things adoption related, I wondered whether they might be helpful? I would definitely consider adopting an older child via ICA but I think being single, adopting a child with a health problem would be too hard to give the child the care they would need unfortunately. Facing infertility problems has been challenging enough, but doing it on my own has just made it so much harder again. Nothing is simple! Sigh.... So where do I start with PC? Just with my local DHS office in Bendigo? Is there any online info I can access anywhere? I don't suppose there is anyone here that has successfully gone through PC (especially any singles?) that can provide any advice on the process they went through - just to give me a heads up on what to do, and what not to do? Thanks again, Marg
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Post by flossyinoz on May 18, 2009 12:30:59 GMT 10
Dear Marg, Sorry for all the trauma who have gone through recently and hopefully you can recover emotionally as well as physically. For permanent care in Bendigo you need to contact: Loddon Mallee Region Adoption and Permanent Care Program St Lukes Anglicare 175-187 Hargreaves Street Bendigo 3550 P.O.Box 315, Bendigo 3552 Telephone: (03) 5440 1100 Fax: (03) 5442 2316 You may also have a look at the following website for a first overview: www.cyf.vic.gov.au/adoption-permanent-care/permanent_careWe have had a member who applied for permanent care as a single mother. Browse through our forum and you will find information and personal stories of quite a few of us. Welcome to the forum and good luck Flossyinoz
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Post by margoz on May 18, 2009 15:13:59 GMT 10
Thanks so much for the info Flossy. I think the next few weeks is just about researching and healing and then I hope to start the ball rolling in some way after that. (Oh, and I wonder if I've seen your name in another forum?). I've been reading through some threads and I really can't believe the time-frames involved and how difficult some of your experiences have been. I know it's the child's best interest that needs to be considered first but it sounds like the relevant offices/agencies could treat prospective parents with more respect in some cases. It's so sad to think there are homeless children all around the world and so many wonderful parents/families willing to offer them a loving home - and yet there is still so much red-tape. Look forward to getting to know everyone here, and hopefully hearing about more successful LA/PC's to come. Thanks again, Marg
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Post by flossyinoz on May 18, 2009 15:36:34 GMT 10
Hi Marg, Yes the whole adoption/pc process is just as emotionally challenging as the IVF process. Life does not seem to be meant easy. Your grieving and healing process is essential, that is one of the principal questions you will be faced with when they assess you for adoption or permanent care. And yes it is very possible that you have seen me in other forums, I tend to keep the same alias - am not into split personalities Pm me if you like. The pm is not easy to find in this forum. One way is to click on the amount of messages you have on the top, there may also be a button for pms, but my work server does not allow icons and pictures, so I may not see it in my forum view. Cheers Flossyinoz
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Post by kate on May 18, 2009 16:43:33 GMT 10
Adoption Australia is a bit of a con. I wouldn't bother with them. I think it is also on the DHS website that they do not support or recognise Adoption Australia (i know i have read it somewhere). Your best bet would be to contact DHS direct to find out your options and go from there.
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Post by goggly on May 18, 2009 19:11:22 GMT 10
All adoptions in Vic have to be facilitated through either the DHS or one of their licenced NGOs (St Luke's Anglicare, ST V de P) etc.
I read the Adoptions Australia website and couldn't quite work out what they did. You have to gather all the paperwork because it is your information, so they don't do that, they don't see your profile, that's between you and the SW and they can't place kids with you - so I assume that they may 'coach' you through the process. We can do that for free! I would steer well clear as it does seem quite dodgy.
St Luke's is the the agent in your area. I have heard from a few people that they are quite good and relatively quick. Give them a call and they will probably send some information and let you know about education dates.
Remember that you have to wait six months after your last IVF cycle before you can start in ernest and given your recent medical history, they may give you quite the grilling regarding your readiness. Then again, they may also say fair enough and move along quickly!
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Post by kate on May 18, 2009 22:37:09 GMT 10
Adoption Australia is a division of HoganWest (according to the website) that also offers info on careers in mining and how to set up a radio station, how to get a job in hospitality, how to start a magazine, how to be a DJ, bodyguard, how to write a complaint letter.........for the same price $214 and delivered in the same time as they advertise for their adoption service.
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Post by chinababe on May 20, 2009 18:13:21 GMT 10
Marg another option you might want to look into is adoption as a EXPAT - there are a couple of girls out there that have done this and one that knows more about the legal aspects than most.
This might be a real and viable option - it could also shorten the length you have to wait for an allocation.
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Post by shudie on May 30, 2009 14:03:35 GMT 10
Hi Marg,
Goodluck with whatever path you end up on!
xx Shudie
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