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Post by flossyinoz on Jan 15, 2009 14:15:44 GMT 10
Hi, Just a general question to those already approved and waiting or already with child. Did your social worker make contact with you for updates, did they only call you when you were considered for a child, did they not make any contact at all or did you have to contact them.
Just trying to get a feel for it what is "normal" as in my case I am the one initiating contact every three months. I would assume my social worker only contacts me if we were close to being matched ( so far no contact on her initiative) or something else important happened.
Flossyinoz
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Post by goggly on Jan 16, 2009 9:16:25 GMT 10
I think 'normal' depends on the social worker flossy. Our social worker only made contact when we were close to being matched because that what we had requested - to be told if we were being considered.
I used to ring our first social worker every six weeks or so to see what was going - she had done our assessment and knew us quite well by that stage - even though she had nothing to tell me. I also rang on my birthday and on my DH birthday and asked where our present was!
Its really hard to wait and not know what is going on in the background. I think that the social workers understand that and are pretty considerate. They are also incredibly busy so it can't hurt for you to call when you need to find out what is going on - its only a few minutes out of their day and gives you piece of mind that you haven't been forgotten.
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Post by flossyinoz on Jan 16, 2009 9:23:52 GMT 10
Thanks Goggly - 6 weeks I think would probably be a bit excessive even for my taste - I think I will stick to the 3 months. I like the birthday idea as we certainly did not get our 2008 Christmas presie! But it puts my mind at ease that your social worker also did not make contact for updates unless there really was something to tell you. Cheers Flossyinoz
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Post by sallyg on Jan 16, 2009 12:23:23 GMT 10
Flossy, Ours is the same. Our expectation is to only be called when there is something to tell us. We weren't asked if we wanted to know if we are put up for LA - just told we won't know unless we're successful. Which is fine by us. I think we find out at a review... although I'm not sure when that would be!
I email any updates we need to make (holidays, change of contact details etc).
I feel I can call if I've got something to say, but I wouldn't unless I did! Although our SW is so lovely I'm sure she wouldn't mind... but I know she's very busy.
I hope you get that call soon Flossy.
Sal
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Post by flossyinoz on Jan 16, 2009 14:17:58 GMT 10
Sal, Welcome back, how was your holiday, hopefully lots of good food, drink an relaxation. I feel so much better after the Christmas break. I was so uptight in December, I could have strangled people. Girls that really puts my mind at ease that both of you are only being contacted when there is something significant going on and also we have asked only to be informed when we are matched, though maybe at some stage we might change this to be notified when we are considered as well, which bears of course the problem you get all hyped up for nothing and somebody else gets the bub. Boy I would so like to spy on that register and see who is looking and waht they are thinking about the profiles. Now Sal I am the impatient one , but for the moment I can live with it. Cheers Flossyinoz
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Post by sallyg on Jan 19, 2009 11:54:51 GMT 10
Thanks Flossy,
Had a VERY relaxing holiday.
Now back to work (eyes rolling) - ho hum, ho hum....
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Post by flossyinoz on Jan 29, 2009 10:00:38 GMT 10
Now I now I am really stressing this subject too much, but constantly well meaning people like eg my hairdresser who is a kinship carer tell me that they would contact my social worker a lot more often than every 3 months.
I keep insisting that I do not think it will help our case as she is not actively looking for us anyway and might even make her angry to take up more of her time, also it would stress the idea she has of us of constantly obsessing with the issue which we are not, life is far too busy for that, but yes of course it is always on our minds and being brought there on a continuous basis by questions of well meaning freinds who do not seem to understand what I have told them about the waiting system and register.
Your opinion?
A "hot" but luckyly in airconditioning working
Flossyinoz
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Post by sallyg on Jan 30, 2009 10:33:32 GMT 10
Flossy, you've got to go with your own instinct on this.
My only suggestion is that if you do call outside the usual timeframe have something to say (ie an excuse!). Perhaps a question of advice or clarification of something... so that is the reason for your call rather than a 'what are you doing?' kind of call... even if you make something up!
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Post by kate on Jan 30, 2009 11:21:45 GMT 10
Hi Flossy
how did you handle questions when you were going through IVF? i know some people don't tell people when they are going through a cycle because it adds extra pressure with people asking if it was successful. whatever your method was, if it worked maybe try it this time?
And if people keep pushing, you can either say 'this is the way we have decided to handle it' or 'we are working with the system that is available' OR just make up whatever so they drop the subject. 'The worker is on a course for a couple of weeks, i will give her a call then' OR 'spoke to her last week, no changes'
you don't want to spend energy on them stressing about it. save the energy for you and your partner.
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Post by flossyinoz on Jan 30, 2009 13:57:01 GMT 10
Sal and Kate, Thanks for this. We did tell our freinds about our IVF cycles, but the differnce is with IVF cycles there is always something to tell, positive or negative. In adoptions ther are long time stretches where absolutely nothing is happening what people do not seem to understand.
So I guess I will just have to be patient with my friends and explain again ands again as I kow they mean well and stick to the approx 3 months regime unless there was something to clarify or tell as Sal suggests.
Cheers from a really hot getting Flossyinoz as my aircon in the office is not coping well!!!
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Post by chinababe on Jan 31, 2009 6:35:31 GMT 10
For me it would depend on the background of the person I was talking to. In the case of the kinship hairdresser I would just say PC and adoption of a non-related child is very different and therefore SW attitudes and the relationship prospective parents have is different.
She obviously thinks of it being more like her own situation however kinship care is very different and processed very different. I'm sure she is a nice woman but for some reason I feel like slapping her across the head.
My own hairdressers ask me but they know it's going to take year so never spend much time on the topic to be honest. They are more interested if I am going somewhere special with the new hairdo! ;D Maybe it helps that they are younger than me!
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Post by goggly on Feb 2, 2009 16:27:54 GMT 10
I too feel peeved at your hairdresser Flossy. How is she the expert on how long something like this will take?
We were really upfront with my family and friends as we were going through the adoption process and then while we waited I was also upfront and told them that I didn't want them to ask me everytime they saw me if something was happening - when there was something to say I would say it.
Seemed to do the trick as they were all completely surprised when I rang to say that she had arrived!
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Post by flossyinoz on Feb 3, 2009 8:58:51 GMT 10
Well it is not only the kinship care hairdresser, there are a lot of other friends asking and I tell them time and time again that we do not expect to hear anything soon. They mean well and don't know that everybody else is just as curious and cannot understand why adoption takes so long (well who can?, but that is beside the point). I have actually decided to call my social worker for an update in the next couple of weeks as we are planning a Malaysia holiday in April and although I am not expecting anything new or different to last time of course we do not want to book a holiday and then the next day being told we are matched. (although this would be worth loosing our travel deposit ) Cheers Flossyinoz
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Post by flossyinoz on Feb 5, 2009 13:13:32 GMT 10
I have called my social worker yesterday to update her on ourholiday plans and it was a really nice conversation. She sounded quite relaxed and so was I, good omen for 2009 I hope. No match yet as suspected, but there may be several pc kids coming into the system in the near future. Let us hope ours is amongst them.
We have booked the holiday as life must go on and we can worry about anything else later if it came to it.
Cheers
Flossyinoz
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Post by sallyg on Feb 5, 2009 14:14:35 GMT 10
Hi Flossy,
Glad you had a good chat and that their are children coming through - that's great news.
Not another cruise I hope! lol...
Sal
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Post by flossyinoz on Feb 9, 2009 12:20:15 GMT 10
No cruise this time , beach resort and jungle tour - beware of the mozzies!
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