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Post by sallyg on Apr 21, 2008 9:22:48 GMT 10
Hi there!
I'm so excited to have found this forum!
My hubby and I would like to adopt or do PC.
We are in Melbourne, and are currently doing LA sessions with Centacare in Melb. We are also booked in for DHS educations sessions for later this year. We've finished our PC edu sessions are really excited about proceeding with either.
I would love to hear from people as to who they think is the best to go through.
I might post another thread somewhere specifically about this!
Look forward to getting to know you all.
Sal
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Post by flossyinoz on Apr 21, 2008 11:01:47 GMT 10
Hi Sal, Welcome. Let us know all about the process with Centacare, because so far I think we only had experiences in thei forum with local agencies. So far I have only heard the best about Centacare and that they actually do the majority of adoptions in Victoria. Hope you have a speedy and successful application process.
Flossyinoz
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Post by sallyg on Apr 21, 2008 12:10:57 GMT 10
Thanks Flossy, I don't think they do do the majority of adoptions - they told us they've done 3 infant adoptions this financial year (which is nearly over). But they do seem great so far... here's hoping my view stays the same! They also said they've only got 'less then ten' approved couples - so they do need more for their books - apparently! I will keep you posted. Sal
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Post by flossyinoz on Apr 21, 2008 13:02:31 GMT 10
Sal, That is really a cute avatar! I asked for the statistics as well and my agency told me that there are currently only about 15 people on The Victorian Permanent Care register and about 25 on the adoption register. If you compare these chances to IVF they do not sound so bad with about 15 kids up for adoption every year and I believe about 50 kids in permanent care (through all age groups). Cheers Flossyinoz
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Post by sallyg on Apr 21, 2008 14:32:36 GMT 10
Gee - is there really only 15 for PC? We did our PC edu sessions last June - and back then we were told there were about 4o waiting families and 60-70 waiting kids - clearly no matches between them.
LOL re: IVF stats - if I followed those stats I should be a mother of 3 by now! (you're probably the same)...
It was the 2nd avatar on offer after a baby elephant! Yeah, it is cute! Hope it brings me two bubs / small kids!
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Post by samnangmeh on Apr 21, 2008 22:23:45 GMT 10
I am also applying for PC in Melbourne. 15 doesn't sound like many on the register does it? I spoke to my agency today and they told me that I'm on the white board (?) and that my assessment will take place in about 3 months. I think they tell a lot of people that though, so I'm prepared for a much longer wait.
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Post by sallyg on Apr 22, 2008 8:25:13 GMT 10
Hi Samnangme - I saw your post below that you'll be applying for a girl under 3. That's very exciting! Have you been waiting long for your assessment so far? Have you put in a ethnicity request?
No, 15 sounds very low amount considering the amount of PC orders is meant to be on the rise. I wonder how accurate it is. I might try and find out through CC.
I think a lot of these children though are 'converted' from foster to PC and stay with that family... or that's what I found when we did our PC edu sessions - we were in there with plenty of people who were fostering children and they now wanted to take care of them permanently.
I hope you move up or down or off that whiteboard quickly! (what a bizarre way of telling you!)
Sal x
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Post by flossyinoz on Apr 22, 2008 11:31:15 GMT 10
I found these numbers also very low. I had asked the same question a while ago when we were still "on the white board" though in our agency it was never called that. The numbers then were slightly higher but did not differ by more than about 10 couples in each section. amd we were told these lists fluctuate a lot by people dropping on and off them, so maybe they just had a major "allocation" of kids to parents.
Our agency kept moving the assessment date further and further, so yes you may well ahve to preapre yourself for a longer wait than 3 months.
Converting foster kids to permanent would make a lot of sense so that they do not have to change again. though we were told that foster parents were not always the best permanent carers, we for example had no foster careres in our pc education group - so it seem to vary.
Flossyinoz
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Post by samnangmeh on Apr 22, 2008 12:53:11 GMT 10
we were still "on the white board" though in our agency it was never called that.
But we are with the same agency Flossy. Maybe it was just the term used by the particular person I spoke to on the phone.
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Post by samnangmeh on Apr 22, 2008 13:00:11 GMT 10
Hi Sally,
Yes I am hoping for an infant/toddler girl. I'm not sure about an ethnicity request, don't think I've got that far yet. You mean like the shopping list thing? I have let them know in both my life story and pre-application interview that I would be very keen to PC a mixed race child. At the interview I was told that there are quite a few vietnamese kids coming into care in the western suburbs. My son is Cambodian, with bio family in Vietnam - so that would really suit us.
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Post by flossyinoz on Apr 22, 2008 14:15:44 GMT 10
Isn't it interesting how different everybody's ideas regarding what kind of child they would like to parent are. DH and I would prefer a child with a European/Anglo Saxon Australian or possibly mixed background for various reasons and none of which is racism. But nowadays one is easily accused of that. - DH and I are both from Europe from two different countries and are now living in Australia, already 3 cultures to work with.
We have not grown up within reach of Asia and it would be hard for us to teach a child its heritage as we have not mauch connection to most Asian countries
- People can be so cruel, I am sure Samnangmeh would agee with me, people ask stupid questions about "the real mother" of the child which is both hurtful for the child as well as the pc/adoptive mother. If the child looks more like the care parents this is less of an issue
- My mother has read about the identity problems some kids have when they have not been brought up with their homecountry culture and she is already thinking I am too old to be a mum. I would like her to accept a new grandchild and she would have difficulties with one of a very different culture. Our roots lie in Europe and it would be nice if our child could have roots there as well, would make it easier with my family
And Samnangmeh the 3 months at both our agency may actually work out as they have recently hired new staff as they are fully aware how long their waiting list is and that they need to do something about it. Cheers Flossyinoz
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Post by sallyg on Apr 22, 2008 17:05:34 GMT 10
It is an interesting discussion re: racial background, and every couple will have their own independent views. I completely understand where you're coming from Flossy and samnangmeh. It's very personal.
We'd love any kid - but I think we're in a very good position to take on a child that doesn't look like us (ie white) as both our families are massive travellers, fascinated by other cultures, and dh's dad is asian! I've spent years overseas, including asia, so am not timid about cultural differences. DH was dark-skinned as a kid, but is now just olive. There's no problem with our family accepting any child of any background and I think we're aware as we can be about the issues.
Our preference was to adopt through ICA - but we are so put off by the massive waiting lists - thus switching to LA / PC. We completed the ICA education sessions and learnt and thought a bit more about raising a child who doesn't look like you. I think another culture would really add something wonderful to our family unit - and give us a great excuse to do more travelling! lol...
How about sex? Samnangmeh, is your request for a girl based on family balance?
A friend of mine who works with special needs said that many 'conditions' are more prevalent in boys than girls, and that if we were to take on a high risk child a girl might be less likely to develop that condition (adhd, autism etc)... I've no idea if there's any truth in that - but she seemed adamant! Having said that we won't be requesting a sex. Pink or blue would be just fine! Just as healthy as possible!
Sal
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Post by samnangmeh on Apr 22, 2008 21:37:58 GMT 10
Sally,
I have a preference for a girl, because I already have a boy so it would be nice to experience having a daughter. Though it's only a slight preference, I'm hardly going to turn down a child because it's a boy. It is true though that 3 times as many boys have ADHD as girls, not sure but I think the stats are similar with Autism - so this is something else I've thought about. Though I'm not that phased about these illnesses, as I've worked with children with Autism and ADHD in the past. The main reason for my preference is very simple, that I'd like to have a daughter. As I will not likely have more than 2 children, then it's nice to have one of each.
Flossy - what have you had to do in the lead up/preparation for the homechecks. Did you do all the baby proofing stuff? I'm a bit worried, because I am planning to move house before the end of the year and if I do all of the babyproofing here before I get an allocation then it will be a waste and I will need to do it all again for the next place. Are you working now Flossy? Are there any issues I should be worrying about in regards to parental leave. How much notice needs to be given to an employer and how will an employer react to leave at short notice? I don't want to tell my employer about my application right now, as I'm casual and becoming permanent in September and I don't want to risk losing my job.
I suppose you will have lots more knowledge once you do your homecheck on the 30th.
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Post by samnangmeh on Apr 22, 2008 21:51:41 GMT 10
people ask stupid questions about the real mother of the child which is both hurtful for the child as well as the pc/adoptive mother. If the child looks more like the care parents this is less of an issue.
But on the other side of the coin - because I have a child who is already different to me, having a sibling who is like me could cause issues. For example people assuming one is my child and the other is not. The SW I spoke to at anglicare told me that it would be preferable if both my children were 'equally different' to me. Then again, these days so many bio families are mixed up anyway. My brother for example has 2 anglo children from a previous marriage, but now is having a baby with his Asian wife. They have also adopted her 100% Asian neice through the Orphan Visa program. So his children will have a bio sibling who will probably look very different to them and an adopted sibling who looks nothing like them. But at least in their situation each of them has a parent who looks like them, there is not one kid left out. It also means my son will have cousins who have siblings of a different colour, which will make the situation more normal for him if he does end up with an anglo sibling. Complicated family structures are common thesedays and I think less and less people are asking questions about diverse families as there are just so many different kinds of families now. I recommend Todd Parr's "The Family Book" to read to children to educate them about different kinds of families.
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Post by flossyinoz on Apr 23, 2008 10:48:48 GMT 10
We have not done much in terms of baby proofing yet as we don't know what age we will be getting and we would also like to wait what the social workers say on the 30th. We have locked the medicines away in a cupboard in the laundry, have bought some childproof drawer stoppers from Ikea which we could install and could rearrange furniture instantly to accommodate a child initially without making big purchases. But that is it. I am working full time at the moment and I have told my boss about our venture and he is quite interested, wants an update every time I had a n interview. I would be entitled to 12 months maternity leave, not sure though if they would really accept pc as adoption, but the agency says their certificate will say adoption. I will stress with the agency that as I am employed and do not want to break up my bridges with them, ie part time work after a year or so, I would prefer to have a bit of a hand over period. But I have heard depending on the case it may be as little as a week which I do not think is very fair on the employer. Sometimes I think what is the sudden rush, all these kids will have been in foster care for some time, what about a bit of planning ahead and not rushing things unduely. I think we have a silent preference for a girl, but we will not indicate this on the form, as long as the child is healthy we are happy I think. ADD is bad but I think I could possiblu handle, my little nephew has something like that, but I do not think I could handle autism. Regarding the family structures this may be true for Australia, but not to that extent in Germany where I come from and as I said I want this child to be accepted by my family, so also have to look into German family dynamics. Got to go and do some work Flossyinoz
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Post by doris on Apr 23, 2008 12:41:12 GMT 10
Hi Flozzy
By the sounds of your post you are about to have a home visit from your case workers. I would not worry to much about it. i mean i went all out to get the house clean and stuff, but if you make it to clean, then they look at it as not normal (if you know what i mean). i did not child proof any of my cupboards or furniture. the reason i said to them was because we dont have children now so why do we need to. once we are linked with a child i am sure we will get that all prepared.
we said no to autism as well. at the final panel (which i was a nervous wreck) they grilled me why i would not want a child with autism but i got through it and proved the point i was trying to prove.
so my advise if you want it is, relax and don't stress. it will be all good.
oh i posted yesterday saying that i was depressed about being on the resiter for a long time. well i got a call from the agency and apparently every case that this particualr agency handles are being reviewed. it very interesting.
so i am alot happier today than i was yesterday.
Doris
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