This post may be a little long, sorry about that, but well done if you manage to read the whole thing.
Firstly... Thank you all for the support.
We are going to appeal their decision.
Even though there were 2 women in the meeting it was only one who did most of the talking, and basically I think she has issues as she seemed to focus so much on trying to force me to accept that I had bad depression and low self esteem.
So we will appeal even though they made it seem that we didn't stand a chance at an appeal.
Basically they had already made up their minds about us even before the meeting and we know this because the one woman said that from reading our life stories she could see that I was depressed and isolated and that I have low self esteem.
I'm preparing for the appeal now, although they are going to send us a letter stating what their decision was and why, so I have to wait for that to get here to be sure I have everything covered.
But the one woman kept going on about me having low self esteem, so I've looked up on the computer about low self esteem to get points to add to our appeal and going by the 3 or 4 sites I looked at, including the Mayo Clinic site from America and a couple of Counseling sites, I have a very healthy self esteem.
The Mayo Clinic says this about Low Self Esteem, I've also put my views about me and the comment in blue...
Low self-esteem can appear in the way you look, behave and interact with others. How do you know if you think too little of yourself? You may have some of these characteristics of low self-esteem:
*Negative self-talk, such as, "I'm not worth other people's time, so I shouldn't ask for help," "I'm a failure," or "I'll never amount to anything."
(I think everyone has done negative self talk at some point, me included, but there is no way I think this way all the time)*Frequently apologizing, making self-doubting statements, or making cruel comments about yourself that you wouldn't make about someone else.
(No way, I actually find it hard to apologize as I think I'm right most of the time, and I wouldnt make cruel comments about myself or anyone else)*Focusing on perceived flaws and weaknesses.
(Like everyone else I do have flaws and weaknesses but I dont focus on them, as like I said everyone has them so why worry)*Seeking constant reassurance from others and not feeling better even with positive feedback.
(I feel very good when I get positive feedback from people but I dont need to be constantly reassured about anything, except for when it comes to big spiders which I'm terrified of, then I do need constant reassurance that the spider is dead or at least gone and not coming back) *Refusing to accept compliments or denying positive comments you get.
(I love positive comments and I will accept compliments when they are given)*Tending to be a perfectionist who's afraid of failure, which may impair work or school performance.
(No way am I a perfectionist, there is no such thing as perfection, so why try to get it. I'm not afraid of failure as sometimes that how you learn things.Now I will admit that at times I do lack self confidence but everyone feels unconfident at times.
She also said that I am isolated because of the fact that all our references said that they mainly have contact with us via email and phone. Also in my life story I answered the Lifestyle question - find it near the end of the life story -
... Please create a picture of your day to day life now, including your work patterns, recreation activities and interests.By saying ....
I get up, make breakfast for myself and David unless he has already gone to work, I get on the computer and do some work on my websites and answer emails, have lunch, do some weeding in the garden or read a book, do some cross-stitch, do some house work, feed the pets, go either to swimming, karate or tai chi depending on the day, do dinner unless David decides to do something, watch tv, have a shower, go to bed. On weekends we tend to do things like go to the beach or the movies, go for a picnic or just for a long drive or visit friends and family. Then when they asked it again at the meeting, I again gave a very boring day where nothing happens.
I didn't realize that they wanted a blow by blow account including all the people you do see, such as 2 or 3 days a week I have coffee with the lady next door, just about every time I'm in the front yard, the old man across the road comes over for a chat, and every two weeks I have to take one of my rats to the vet to have her teeth trimmed, so I see my vet regularly, and there are a number of people I could see and interact with in any given day.
Its a very rare day when I dont have to deal face to face with friends and strangers.
I tried to also explain that with all the rat shows and pet expos that we go to we get so much human interaction...
February is the Caulfield Animal expo and the Berwick show.
March is the RSPCA open day and the Redhill show.
April is the Northside College fete.
May is the RSPCA million paws walk
Then from June to August we dont do much as its too cold for the animals to have shows.
September is the Royal Melbourne Show.
October is the Seymor show, the Royal Geelong Show and the Nillumbik animal and pet expo.
November is the Whittlesea show, Dandenong show, and Lilydale show.
December is quiet because of christmas. But both December and January are normally too hot for the rat shows.
The thing is that after they told us their decision they didn't even want to hear any of this. They just wanted to get us out as quickly as they could.
The woman also kept going on about me being depressed. She wanted me to be upset over the fact that my niece is having a baby, she kept going on about "oh that must make you feel sad/depressed"
She said that I look depressed... this I think she was basing on the fact that the corners of my mouth are genetically turned down so if I am not smiling it looks like I am sad. Other than having cosmetic surgery to correct this genetic issue there isn't anything I can do to control the way my mouth curves when I am not smiling.
Also I wear contacts and had had them in from about 7am that day and as anyone who wears contacts knows that after a certain amount of time your eyes can become dry and irritated. So after 6 to 7 hours of course my eyes were not going to be happy.
On top of which because David had to go to court in the morning because of a work issue, we missed out on breakfast and then by the time he got out of the court house we had to head to Windsor for the meeting so we also missed out on lunch. So we were not in the best frame of mind.
After all don't they show those ads on TV showing that if children don't get breakfast they don't concentrate and are not able to preform normally at school. Well that goes for adults as well.
But of course they didn't take into account any of this even after we told them that we came straight to the meeting from court.
The signs of depression are as follows, with my view in blue afterwards:
*Constant feelings of sadness, irritability, or tension -
(I'm happy most days, apart from being frustrated and impatient about the adoption process occasionally)*Decreased interest or pleasure in usual activities or hobbies -
(I love making jewlerry, painting, reading, cross-stitching and doing all the activities and hobbies I currently do)*loss of energy, feeling tired despite lack of activity -
(If anything I have been more active and full of energy lately)*a change in appetite, with significant weight loss or weight gain -
(My weight isnt going up or down and my appetite is the same as its always been)*a change in sleeping patterns, such as difficulty sleeping, early morning awakening, or sleeping too much -
(My sleeping pattern is the same, I try to get 8 hours sleep every night and dont have a problem falling to sleep)*restlessness or feeling slowed down -
(No way)*decreased ability to make decisions or concentrate -
(Only when I'm forced to attend meetings without having breakfast and lunch)*feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, or guilt -
(Im worth as much as anyone else in the world and nothing is hopeless)*thoughts of suicide or death -
(No way, there is much to much to live for to ever consider that)So yes we are going to appeal the decision because I think they couldn't be further from the truth in their opinion of us, although it was me they aimed at more.
If anyone has suggestions or ideas please feel free to share. either here or privately.
Also if anyone wants to meet up at my house to talk about this or anything else, please let me know.
I think we do need to start having a fortnightly/monthly meeting, because if these people feel that I am isolated because it seems I don't have face to face interaction, when I do already have interactions, then whats to stop them from saying that any of us are isolated?
We dont need to talk about adoption at the meetings we can talk about hobbies, families, work and anything else that we talk about with our other non-adopting/pc friends.