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Post by waiting on Nov 29, 2010 13:19:55 GMT 10
I was wondering Flossy if you could give us a run down on how the year has gone. I have just realised it will nearly be one year from when you got the call. Waiting.
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Post by flossyinoz on Nov 30, 2010 21:25:59 GMT 10
Well the year went really fast and I am dreading January when I have to go back to work again, 3 days a week on a trial basis and work is not making it exactly easy for me, but that was not your question waiting, but kids are expensive and if we want to maintain a good lifestyle, then I have to go back working.
DS's legalisation is underway and hopefully soon he will be legally ours. It is hard to describe the year. A child certainly does not make life easier and looking after one 24/7 is definitely a shock to the system which takes a while to digest, your whole life is turned upside down virtually from one moment to another. I always thought when you have a child, you have lots of spare time as you are at home. Not true as this little person wants to be entertained and in DS's case he starts lamenting when I leave the room if only to go to the loo or hang up some washing. So you have to try to integrate him into some household chores always being careful not to let him go where he could wreak havoc as he is very inquisitive. Also writing emails or being on the computer is only possible when he is asleep. Sleepless nights when he is unwell or being woken up several times in the night when he wants a bottle, still the case with him.
No, I don't want to scare you off, just motherhood is not all roses and relaxation, I now have the utmost respect of mothers of 2,3 or more. But I would not miss this little person for anything in the world and it melts my heart when he calls me "Mama" over and over again or when I see him peacefully lying in his cot clasping his sleep toy. He is running all over the house now and is very active, so a child definitely keeps you young and fit as you are constantly after him. DH now loves to come home to a toddler who runs towards him when he is at the door, he had to dig himself out saying of course he is also happy to see me. It is so exciting to watch his development from day to day.
As I said a child does not make life easier, but it makes life worth living, gives you a purpose. Our whole life has changed, we think to the better. When I see pregnant women now this frog in the throat feeling "why not me" is gone. A hole in our life has been filled.
I hope this answers your question without going too much into details.
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Post by waiting on Dec 1, 2010 7:16:57 GMT 10
Thanks for that FLossy, a dose of reality for me. IT isn't all roses, I know. But you have had that part that had the hole filled up which is great. Unfortunately, not everyone gets that.
So what is going on with work, you seem not particularly thrilled about that.....?
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Post by doris on Dec 1, 2010 8:08:44 GMT 10
Hi Waiting
I have to totally agree with Flossy, it is a massive shock to the system, but you would not change it for anything.
Our little one came to us at 7 months and it was an 20 month wait from panel to when we got the call. Keep with it you never know what is around the corner and one day you will feel the same as Flossy and I do.
Flossy if i recall work were very supportive of you going back part time.
take care
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Post by waiting on Dec 1, 2010 13:06:37 GMT 10
Thanks Doris for your kind words. I guess it will happen if it happens and when it happens. I guess what I have been experiencing lately is this panic that I will forever remain childless. It was not how I pictured my life.
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Post by doris on Dec 1, 2010 14:11:40 GMT 10
Waiting
I wanted 4 children, but that will never happen. But i am grateful that i have very active boy that keeps me young...
I can totally appreciate the panic because we went through that a number of times. But hang in there and as i said you never know what will happen.
Take care
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Post by waiting on Dec 1, 2010 16:54:56 GMT 10
Thanks again for your pep talk. Why is that men are all OK with it? I don't see my husband get like this- teary and feeling hopeless at the lack of anything happening.
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Post by doris on Dec 1, 2010 18:14:36 GMT 10
I asked my husband that very question during the 20 months of not knowing. He said to me not to think that at any stage during the 20 months did i not go off and have a cry because i did but i had to keep strong because how would our lives be if we both fell apart. So i guess they deal with it harder than we do because they want to be strong for us.
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Post by flossyinoz on Dec 1, 2010 19:58:50 GMT 10
My hubby is a master in pushing feelings back, but believe me our hubbies do have feelings, they may not express them as much as we do, but at times it may hit them even harder as they don't deal with them.
Regarding work. Well they are supportive, especially my boss, only he is not the one deciding on what is happening. My replacement has quit for before Christmas, so no hand over and easing into it and I am supposed to work for 5 departments (possibly no longer for my old boss) sharing with a temp who may or may not have company experience. And if all does not work out by July they want me back full time which I understandably don't want. So I will be extremely stressed next year. Bt I guess I got to be grateful, I at least still have a job, one of my mothers group was made redundant even though she wanted to come back full time, not legal, but do you really take the to court or rather take the money and look elsewhere.
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Post by waiting on Dec 1, 2010 20:06:19 GMT 10
Sounds like an interesting situation with work. Well, the best we can do is go and try it and be positive it is going to be great. At least you have a job. It may take a little adjustment but who knows it may be great!
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Post by flossyinoz on Dec 1, 2010 21:44:31 GMT 10
Yep, I have to go in with the attitude to make this work as the alternative to find another part time job would be very hard and yes at least I have a job to go to. I am not complaining, well yes I suppose I am as the whole situation scares me, full on into it after a year, but I guess it is into the deep end. Will be interesting how I will cope going back to being extremely organised from chaos with a child. The other way around was hard enough last year, but I did it, I guess I can do it again.
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Post by waiting on Dec 2, 2010 14:50:28 GMT 10
There is a saying that goes something like - not as you know it but how you find it. Can't plan anything, you just have to go in and see how it goes and how you will adjust working with a small child. You can only try and see how it is going to pan out and if it doesn't, you go to plan B and readjust.
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Kay
Toddler
Mama through local adoption :)
Posts: 230
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Post by Kay on Dec 2, 2010 20:33:21 GMT 10
Sounds fabulous Flossy..
If going back to work doesnt pan out I work from home if you want the details...
Cheers,
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Post by chinababe on Dec 5, 2010 10:37:21 GMT 10
Mmm! she would have had to accept the redundancy and sign off it though, she was most likely given a choice between a restructured position or the redundancy. So while not a nice way of it being done it and a VERY underhanded way it may still be falling into the legal side of things. Flossy will your little one be going into long day care, family day care, in home care or be looked after by a family member? Or will be it be a combination approach! I understand this all too well. It's weird, even though I've made that choice sometimes there is still this unusual gut reaction - somewhere between a sort of pain and panic - and not something I allow myself to entertain much. Otherwise it sees me repeat certain parts of grief cycles that are really no longer part of what I need to look at. Chosing to be childfree after being childless means making some tough decisions and seeking other ways to have children in an appropriate way in your life. On this note I am the going to be the most loved Aunty this Summer holidays - because I have gotten the best presents for my sister's little girl! Even I LOVE the presents me and other half have gotten her.
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Post by flossyinoz on Jan 8, 2011 23:28:34 GMT 10
BTW just wanting to let you all know, since 17 December we are now officially DS's parents, feels really good not to have to ask anybody permission to do something even though the asking was more a formality than a real thing and our social worker after getting DS was absolutely lovely. We feel like a real family now!!! And DS can get a passport now and we can go travelling, well coming back to that payckeck when I start work again next Wednesday, we need it as we are booking a trip to the US for our 10th wedding anniversary (we got married in Las Vegas)
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Post by doris on Jan 9, 2011 9:00:30 GMT 10
Congratulations Flossy
How great does it feel not to have to ask if you can go out of the state. It is true now it does feel like a real family.
Congratulations again.
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