|
Post by flossyinoz on Jul 10, 2008 11:37:56 GMT 10
Before you get approved for adoption or pc you get asked if you want to be informed when you are suggested for a match, eg when you are one of the three profiles the birth mother gets to choose from.
We decided no, because then you may get really excited, put your life on hold and in a chance of 1:3 you may not get chosen and are deeply disappointed.
But we also said we would like to know afterwards, so every 3 or 6 months we would like to get an update if we have ever been considered, because that would give us an indication if our profile has chances at all.
What do you think or what have you opted for?
Flossyinoz
|
|
|
Post by sallyg on Jul 10, 2008 13:53:19 GMT 10
I totally agree with you Flossy.
I think we'd like to know AFTER the decision is made. Happy for it to be immediately after, as it happens... and then you at least know you're in with a shot!
I too would find it way too painful to know that someone else was selected - I wouldn't be able to think of anything else in that waiting period!!! Too stressful!
Does it work this way for PC too?
Sal
|
|
|
Post by flossyinoz on Jul 10, 2008 14:13:52 GMT 10
I think it is the same way for pc, only that not the birthmother but some kind of panel decide over the match.
|
|
|
Post by sallyg on Jul 10, 2008 15:26:55 GMT 10
I wonder what happens if there aren't sufficient applicants to make up a choice of three? Which must happen given there are so many children currently waiting for PC parents... I'm looking forward to learning more about PC at our first SW meeting next week :-)
Just reading a book about toddler adoption - it's great and talks about specific needs for toddlers. It's making me more and more convinced that PC is the way for us. I've got a pile of books so high about attachment, impact of neglect/ abuse, adoption, children of parents with mental illnesses etc: I'm having trouble ploughing through them all! But it is great to be doing something constructive towards building our little family.
Sal x
|
|
|
Post by kate on Jul 10, 2008 21:01:14 GMT 10
Hi Sally
What is the book on toddler adoption called?
Thanks,
Kate
|
|
|
Post by sallyg on Jul 11, 2008 10:46:49 GMT 10
Hi Kate,
Good to hear from you.
It's called Toddler Adoption, The Weaver's Craft, by Mary Hopkins-Best. I've borrowed it from the library.
The author adopted a child from an orphanage, and she also works with children, so has written it from her experience at 20-something others who adopted toddlers (1-3 years). It's great as it's really written for those about to enter adoption, and helps clarify if it is right for you or not. I've always known I'd like to adopt this age, and this book has helped me understand why. It also discusses attachment and normal toddler growth versus toddlers that have had a poor start. It's great!
Sal x
|
|
|
Post by flossyinoz on Jul 11, 2008 13:42:08 GMT 10
Might have to borrow some of your books from you Sal, probably not the one about toddlers as our age will now be limited to 12 months, but some of the others sound good.
|
|
|
Post by sallyg on Jul 11, 2008 15:59:16 GMT 10
For sure! I'm getting most from the library, but I've got 3 from Amazon - you're welcome to those. I've been shocked at how useful the library has been!
The only consideration with the toddler book is in the event you are placed with an 11-12month and it takes a long time to formalise... your child may well be a toddler by the time you get him/her (definition by book is 12-36months).
|
|
|
Post by michelle76 on Jul 11, 2008 18:53:54 GMT 10
I'm with you Flossy I wouldn't want to know at the time either. We were told at our training that we would be told this info at our annual review, which is important to us we want to know how many times we are put forward to a mum and if we are not, why not? How are you handling the waiting game now approved?
|
|
|
Post by kate on Jul 11, 2008 23:54:42 GMT 10
If there are not 3 families available, the birth family may be offered two or one family profiles to look at.
The choice of adoptive parents is not entirely up to the birth parents. The birth parents get to put in their preference, but the social worker does not have to adhere to their wishes (can either recommend against a family that birth parents want OR recommend a family that the birth parents don't want if the SW believes the family is a good fit for the child)
The social worker also does not make the final submission. A committee considers the reports from social workers representing the child, the birth parents, and one or more potential adoptive families.
I guess it is an easier decision if all reports (birth parents, social worker representing child and social worker representing adoptive parents) recommend the same outcome, but the committee may still not approve if they have concerns.
Hope that helps
|
|
|
Post by kate on Jul 15, 2008 7:07:31 GMT 10
I have a question for you guys. Do you get to see your 'profile' that is given to birth families?
I know a lot of work goes into finding out all about you and your family, and i don't know that the profile given to birth families always provides the right info.
Also, the level of english proficiency (and spelling!) of the writer can detract from the info that is provided.
So, just asking if you are offered the opportunity to see the profile before it is given to birth parents. And if it is not offered, maybe ask if you can see it so you can check how you are being presented.
k
|
|
|
Post by flossyinoz on Jul 15, 2008 11:27:57 GMT 10
Good question - I don't know yet, but definitely something to ask after we are approved. I know the agencies get a huge report and our preferences for a child (shopping list) but I am sure the birth parents will only get a one pager and photos.\
Anybody of you guys who are already in the race know this?
Flossyinoz
|
|
|
Post by doris on Jul 15, 2008 12:10:06 GMT 10
We were given a copy of the summary that is in our profile and we were asked if we wanted to make any changes.
Doris
|
|
|
Post by sallyg on Jul 15, 2008 12:58:23 GMT 10
I'm pretty sure you have the input into it and get to see it. They'd be no reason why you wouldn't.
|
|
|
Post by kate on Aug 11, 2008 20:08:17 GMT 10
Hi Kate, Good to hear from you. It's called Toddler Adoption, The Weaver's Craft, by Mary Hopkins-Best. I've borrowed it from the library. The author adopted a child from an orphanage, and she also works with children, so has written it from her experience at 20-something others who adopted toddlers (1-3 years). It's great as it's really written for those about to enter adoption, and helps clarify if it is right for you or not. I've always known I'd like to adopt this age, and this book has helped me understand why. It also discusses attachment and normal toddler growth versus toddlers that have had a poor start. It's great! Sal Hi Sal This book has some great stuff in it. I got it from Amazon, if anybody looking to get a copy. The author has interviewed many parents who adopted their children as toddlers. I will come back with some quotes that i really liked. Kate
|
|
|
Post by kate on Aug 12, 2008 9:08:56 GMT 10
On second thoughts, when i pick quotes out from the book, they lose context and may not be interpreted the same way as when they are read in the book. And i don't want to get into copywright issues by typing a whole chapter.
I really liked what the author wrote in Chapter 2: Is toddler adoption for you? There were questions specific to toddlers but many could also apply to any adoption.
Anyway, i think it is a great book.
|
|